View Full Version : Re: Canada Deals With Bush-Dodgers

John Hanson
November 25th 04, 06:27 PM
On Thu, 25 Nov 2004 02:26:49 GMT, "Milton Bradley"
> wrote in mn.general:

>The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has
>intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop
>the illegal immigration. The re-election of President Bush is prompting the
>exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to
>hunt, pray and agree with Bill O'Reilly.
>Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology
>professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at
>"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood
>producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose
>acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry.
>"He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I
>said I didn't have any, he left. Didn't even get a chance to show him my
>screenplay, eh?"
>In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences,
>but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that blare
>Rush Limbaugh across the fields. "Not real effective," he said. "The
>liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they wouldn't
>give milk."
>Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near
>the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them across
>the border, and leave them to fend for themselves. "A lot of these people
>are not prepared for rugged conditions," an Ontario border patrolman said.
>"I found one carload without a drop of drinking water. They did have a nice
>little Napa Valley cabernet, though."
>When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing
>loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been
>circulating about the Bush administration establishing re-education camps in
>which liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR.
>In the days since the election, liberals have turned to sometimes ingenious
>ways of crossing the border. Some have taken to posing as senior citizens
>on bus trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a
>half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration
>authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen
>passengers. "If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence
>Welk Show, we get suspicious about their age," an official said.
>Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating
>an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan Sarandon
>movies. "I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just
>can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history majors
>does one country need?"
>In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada, Vice
>President Dick Cheney met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged
>that the administration would take steps to reassure liberals. "We're going
>to have some Peter, Paul & Mary concerts. And we might put some endangered
>species on postage stamps. The president is determined to reach out."
>- Milton
<golf clap>