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View Full Version : "The beating that wasn't", or "Leapin' Larrys visit."


April 8th 06, 04:00 AM
I'm lounging on the front stairs, sipping a cold one (coke, no booze)
and enjoying the mild spring air, when suddenly a white ford van
screeches to a halt in front, and when all the doors opened
simultaneously, and 4 large, bulked-up men ("men" for the sake of our
story at least) jumped out waddling tords me, I knew the A-sexual
crowd from MFW had made good on their threats to "pay me a visit".
Larry "the leaping fairy", Hanson "the man-boy", David "the sheep
****er", and Dr Cohen "I wanna examine your butt" were charging tords
me at the blinding speed of... a drunken homeless guy.
Larry was screaming "I,i, i ju,j,j,just c,c,c,c,can't s,s,tand
B,b,b,ill" and had blood in his eye. Hanson was screaming like a
schoolgirl as he shouted "I could very easily hurt you physically, and
I WILL", David was just mumbling "where's he keep those sheep he's
always posting about?", and Cohen kept saying "bend over and cough".
Well I dropped my drink, and I immediately sprung into a defensive
karate stance. Well that was it for Hanson, he **** his pants so bad
it sounded like a velcro briefcase being opened, and as he keeled over
dead he was heard to say in a lil girlie voice "I could easily hurt
you physically, but I can't".
Then David was the first to physically reach me, and immediately "went
to town" humping my leg. I flicked a booger at him, and he fell dead
at my feet, his tiny aussie pecker still erect.
Next Cohen charged me with a well lubed plastic glove on one hand, and
before I even knew what hit me, he had me spun around, and a finger
inserted in my arse. Now that in itself wasn't so bad, but when he
started pumping the finger in and out, I nearly barf...well, fell in
love.
Butt as Cohen was working away at me from behind, Leaping Larry the
Fairy was charging at me, arms flailing like a limp wristed transexual
on Jerry Springer. He had blood in his eye. I knew if he got too
close, that any chance I had of spending quality time with Cohen (now
renamed Cohen "the insatiable vixen") would be minimal, so I had to
dispose of this dirtbag fast, so in the 30 seconds it took the fat
******* to cross the 10' to reach me, I decided on a sidekick to his
tiny head, even though hitting such a small target was hard. But
predictably, one swat brought the big-mouthed punk down like a $5
whore who just got a 20.
Then as Larry bounced off the van and splattered to the pavement, I
noticed a figure hunched over the steering wheel, it was John
Williams. Apparently the mere sight of me in person had given the
roidded-out bugger a massive coronary, and he never made it out of the
van.
Then I heard groaning from the back, and upon closer inspection, what
I thought was a pile of empty whiskey bottles, up sprang Chuckie, so
****faced drunk, he thought he was still home in the armpit of the
world, england. He puked up some green stuff, mumbled something about
his "mum", and passed back out.
Well now it was me and "the insatiable vixen" Cohen. Through all that,
he hadn't missed a beat, and was now massaging my prostate like his
life depended on it. I kept spinning around to grab him, butt he was
like a dogs tail being chased, just staying out of reach. Butt hey. I
didn't want him to stop anyway...

Curt James
April 8th 06, 06:06 AM
TBR posting as wrote:

[...]

>Larry was screaming "I,i, i ju,j,j,just c,c,c,c,can't s,s,tand
>B,b,b,ill" and had blood in his eye.

[...]

heh

Pretty funny stuff, but I absolutely want credit for the above idea.
Thanks. Still, it would've been even better if your adversaries
waddled out of their vehicle and then egged Larry on with something
like, "YOU CAN TAKE HIM! YOU CAN TAKE HIM!" And, of course, ol' Lar
would have wearily responded, "I-i-i j-j-just c-c-can't t-take him! I
j-just c-can't!"

Next time, please consult, okay? This really could have been a much
better post.

And you should've substituted Jumbo Mumbo Wussy (IF YOU KNOW WHO I
MEAN! WINK, WINK) for David from Australia, imo.

--
Curt
http://curtjames.com/

April 8th 06, 08:55 AM
On Sat, 08 Apr 2006 01:06:12 -0400, Curt James > wrote:

>TBR posting as wrote:
>
>[...]
>
>>Larry was screaming "I,i, i ju,j,j,just c,c,c,c,can't s,s,tand
>>B,b,b,ill" and had blood in his eye.
>
>[...]
>
>heh
>
>Pretty funny stuff, but I absolutely want credit for the above idea.

Since when? I never heard you say that before.

>Thanks. Still, it would've been even better if your adversaries
>waddled out of their vehicle and then egged Larry on with something
>like, "YOU CAN TAKE HIM! YOU CAN TAKE HIM!" And, of course, ol' Lar
>would have wearily responded, "I-i-i j-j-just c-c-can't t-take him! I
>j-just c-can't!"
>

Larry's a punk.

>Next time, please consult, okay? This really could have been a much
>better post.
>

No, not really. It was exquisite as is.
>And you should've substituted Jumbo Mumbo Wussy (IF YOU KNOW WHO I
>MEAN! WINK, WINK) for David from Australia, imo.
>

****, I can't help who showed up. You seem to think this is fiction,
but it really happened.

Curt James
April 8th 06, 03:23 PM
TBR posting as wrote:

>On Sat, 08 Apr 2006 01:06:12 -0400, Curt James > wrote:
>
>>TBR posting as wrote:
>>
>>[...]
>>
>>>Larry was screaming "I,i, i ju,j,j,just c,c,c,c,can't s,s,tand
>>>B,b,b,ill" and had blood in his eye.
>>
>>[...]
>>
>>heh
>>
>>Pretty funny stuff, but I absolutely want credit for the above idea.
>
>Since when? I never heard you say that before.

You've never read me type that either, but the stuttering concept in
association with one Larry Hinges (whatever) is thoroughly documented,
(as long as you're leaning so heavily on fiction) copyrighted,
trademarked, registered, authorized only for my use, and certified as
my creative construct.

>>Thanks. Still, it would've been even better if your adversaries
>>waddled out of their vehicle and then egged Larry on with something
>>like, "YOU CAN TAKE HIM! YOU CAN TAKE HIM!" And, of course, ol' Lar
>>would have wearily responded, "I-i-i j-j-just c-c-can't t-take him! I
>>j-just c-can't!"
>>
>
>Larry's a punk.

True enough.

>>Next time, please consult, okay? This really could have been a much
>>better post.
>
>No, not really.

Yes, really.

>It was exquisite as is.

No. It wasn't. But, hey, you spelled a three syllable word correctly!
Go you!

>>And you should've substituted Jumbo Mumbo Wussy (IF YOU KNOW WHO I
>>MEAN! WINK, WINK) for David from Australia, imo.
>
>****, I can't help who showed up. You seem to think this is fiction,
>but it really happened.

In... your... mind! If Lar doesn't have the backbone to confront you
in a newsgroup, why should I believe that he'd actually drive anywhere
- even with backup - to confront you IRL? Fiction, thanks again.

--
Curt
http://curtjames.com/

April 8th 06, 05:40 PM
On Sat, 08 Apr 2006 10:23:35 -0400, Curt James > wrote:


>You've never read me type that either

Well ok, I have read it in your posts, butt frankly most people don't
catch on to that one, and go completely bonkers screaming things like
"I,i,i,i, j,j,j,j,j,ust c,c,c,c,an't s,s,s,stand B,b,b,b,bil..." in
frustration.

>, but the stuttering concept in
>association with one Larry Hinges (whatever) is thoroughly documented,

He even stutters on his website.

>(as long as you're leaning so heavily on fiction) copyrighted,
>trademarked, registered, authorized only for my use, and certified as
>my creative construct.
>

Where's the number?


>>Larry's a punk.
>
>True enough.
>

No response, it was just requoting.


>>No, not really.
>
>Yes, really.
>


>No. It wasn't. But, hey, you spelled a three syllable word correctly!
>Go you!
>

What's a sylable?

>>>And you should've substituted Jumbo Mumbo Wussy (IF YOU KNOW WHO I
>>>MEAN! WINK, WINK) for David from Australia, imo.
>>

No, I don't know. You know GMTA, and you haven't a clue what I'm
thinking...


>In... your... mind! If Lar doesn't have the backbone to confront you
>in a newsgroup, why should I believe that he'd actually drive anywhere
>- even with backup - to confront you IRL? Fiction, thanks again.
>

Hmm, logic, the enemy of republicans.

Curt James
April 8th 06, 06:08 PM
TBR(?), uh, posting as wrote:

>On Sat, 08 Apr 2006 10:23:35 -0400, Curt James > wrote:
>
>
>>You've never read me type that either
>
>Well ok, I have read it in your posts,

(opens copy of JMW's U Kan B an Legal Assistant 2)

Ahhhh HA! So, you admit that your read it in my p-p-p-posts!

>butt frankly most people don't catch on to that one, and
>go completely bonkers screaming things like "I,i,i,i, j,j,j,j,j,ust
>c,c,c,c,an't s,s,s,stand B,b,b,b,bil..." in frustration.

Are hyphens too much to ask? Are they?!

>>(as long as you're leaning so heavily on fiction) copyrighted,
>>trademarked, registered, authorized only for my use, and certified as
>>my creative construct.
>
>Where's the number?

Where? How about what? 867-5309, of course.

>>If Lar doesn't have the backbone to confront you in a newsgroup,
>>why should I believe that he'd actually drive anywhere - even with
>>backup - to confront you IRL?
>
>Hmm, logic, the enemy of republicans.

Fwiw, I'm a semi-newly registered Democrat.

--
Curt
http://curtjames.com/

April 8th 06, 08:25 PM
On Sat, 08 Apr 2006 13:08:46 -0400, Curt James > wrote:

>(opens copy of JMW's U Kan B an Legal Assistant 2)
>
>Ahhhh HA! So, you admit that your read it in my p-p-p-posts!
>

I'll never admit to reading your posts, but yes.


>Are hyphens too much to ask? Are they?!
>

I'm not buying you cookies. Jezus christ, you befriend the lil' weasel
for ONE afternoon, and he wants you to do his shopping already.


>Where? How about what? 867-5309, of course.
>

I called it, and some gay male named "****" had his machine pickup.
The message said "Hi, I'm ****, I'm busy, likely snorting coke, and
taking up the pooper right now, so I'll call you back after Twon
cums".

>>Hmm, logic, the enemy of republicans.
>
>Fwiw, I'm a semi-newly registered Democrat.
>

I understand, but are you certified? Because it's been JMW's
contention all along you defeniately are certifiable. Is certifiable
like a independant?