PDA

View Full Version : Ping Queenie, Normal Net English Usage


Lee Michaels
May 19th 06, 06:38 PM
Have you seen this Queenie?

Knowing your penchant for English, I thought you may need/enjoy this.
*********************************

So, here are some rules to keep in mind when using the Queen's Engerlish:

- Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

- And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.

- Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat).

- Always avoid annoying alliteration.

- Be more or less specific.

- Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.

- Also, too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.

- No sentence fragments. No comma splices, run-ons are bad too.

- Contractions aren't helpful and shouldn't be used.

- Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

- Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly
superfluous.

- One should never generalize.

- Don't use no double negatives.

- Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

- One-word sentences? Eliminate.

- Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

- Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.

- Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.

- Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.

- If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: resist
hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.

- Puns are for children, not groan readers.

- Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

- Who needs rhetorical questions?

- Exaggeration is a million times worse than understatement.

- Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.


- From the book "Fumblerules" by William Safire
************************************************

The Queen of Cans and Jars
May 19th 06, 10:17 PM
Lee Michaels > wrote:

> Have you seen this Queenie?
>
> Knowing your penchant for English, I thought you may need/enjoy this.
> *********************************
>
> So, here are some rules to keep in mind when using the Queen's Engerlish:
>
> - Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
>
> - And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
>
> - Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat).
>
> - Always avoid annoying alliteration.
>
> - Be more or less specific.
>
> - Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
>
> - Also, too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
>
> - No sentence fragments. No comma splices, run-ons are bad too.
>
> - Contractions aren't helpful and shouldn't be used.
>
> - Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
>
> - Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly
> superfluous.
>
> - One should never generalize.
>
> - Don't use no double negatives.
>
> - Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
>
> - One-word sentences? Eliminate.
>
> - Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
>
> - Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
>
> - Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
>
> - Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.
>
> - If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: resist
> hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
>
> - Puns are for children, not groan readers.
>
> - Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
>
> - Who needs rhetorical questions?
>
> - Exaggeration is a million times worse than understatement.
>
> - Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
>
>
> - From the book "Fumblerules" by William Safire
> ************************************************

!!! <3 <3 <3

I'll be passing this on to some other grammar whores. Good stuff!