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View Full Version : I have set the new World Record !!!


Pete
September 23rd 06, 11:42 AM
Somehow, i am still not over the fact that Betsys dog eats ****, and that
there was a never ending thread about it. The meds work, but only up to a
certain point.

Lucky for me, there arent many dogs in my neighboorhood anymore... because
eh... well... i shot them!

Thats right! Thats right!

I killed all those **** eating basterds!
The Police and the neighboorhoods Vigilantes are looking for me, but i am
not in the least worried.
Anyone who approaches me within 10 feet will be shot as well!

Anyway, i am not feeling too good, and decided to change my medication. I
was still using the "Sustanon for sleeping" stack, but i suspect that the
receptors were saturated and are allready de-sensetizing.

So i left out the melatonine and cyproheptadine, and replaced that by
several grams of amytriptiline, and, my secret ingredient, trazolan.
Trazolan is a NON-tricyclic anti depressant, with 2 major side effects.
Sleepiness and Priapism.

The thought of falling asleep with a huge dick has always appealed to me, so
i decided to throw that in the mix.

When i felt asleep, i had this weird dream again...

I was going to set a new world record... using KETTLEBELLS !!!
But i sure as hell was not going to lift them. Oh no!

In this dream i was notorious for having a 4 inch wide anus. I mean, it was
HUGE!
I was nick-named "The Black Hole." Children were told to stay away from me,
because, as their parents told them, if they come to close, they would get
sucked in, and NEVER get out! And even if they COULD escape, they wouldnt
see their parents anymore, since they were warped thousands of years
forward, into a World that was destroyed by Nuclear Weapons!

Those children were really frightened when they saw me... but i liked it!
Especially when i left the gym, with a HUGE pump, i walked to the
playground. I loved it when i saw that scary look into their eyes. I made me
feel different. I was feeling more... more... MORE... MASCULINE !!!
Yes, thats it! I felt more of a man when i saw these frightened children!

At one time, when i took a walk in the park, i spotted this skinny,
handicapped man in a wheelchair, with a HUGE telescope. At first, i assumed
he was looking at the stars, but... it was broad daylight!
No, this telescope was poiting at my ass, and he was trying to make notes!
I thought he was VERY rude. So i walked up to him, and asked him not to
stare anymore. Then i saw how sick he was, and decided to shoot him...

Later, it turned out that i shot Stephen Hawking!

Anyway, i decided to do something with this "gift."
I mean, having a huge ass and NOT doing anything with it, doesnt make any
sense, right? Right!

I allready knew that HUGE things could dissapear into my ass.
For years, i smuggled explosives from Europe to Afghanistan...

But this time, i would do something the World never has seen before!
The place to do this was the good old US of A. So, i bought a ticket, and
flew to Boston, were my good friends Will and Robert were waiting for me. I
asked them to help me with this World Record.
In fact, i hired a place something similair where Arnold gave his
"exhibitions" in the early seventies.
If its good enough for Arnold, it was good enough for me!

All the regulars from MFW were invited to come. Even Steve.
Robert and Will were my assistants, and DZ handled security. David (Cohen)
was there to give, if needed, medical assistence. John was there to figure
out all the legal techniqualities.
DZ walked around in a Tuxedo, and to tell you the truth, he looked quite
good in it!
He was wearing a headset, and seemed to have direct contact with some
bigshots...

Of course, Pavel was there as well!
I mean, hey, were talking KettleBells here, right?

After several minutes, all the regulars arrived...

Robert was walking around wearing red sunglasses, and had tattoos all over
his arms...
He reminded me of Mickey Rourke, i his prime...
People were whispering... "this guy was Mr. Phoenix once..."'
When they walked up to him, and asked for an autograph, he barked;

"Go away, you ****ing anonymous AOL pussy !!! Why dont you use you REAL NAME
if you aproach me ?!?!?!"
Then he shot them. In the same manner i shot the dogs...

Then Will arrived...
A big limo came in front, and 6 black muscular women, came out.
But... where was Will ?!?!?!
As it turned out, those women where his bodyguards, and Will walked in the
middle. I mean, these women where 6 feet. AT LEAST! It seemed he cloned Ann
Marie Crooks or something...
Anyway, he looked very important. Very arrogant. People wanted to ask a few
questions, but were beat up pretty bad by his bodyguards. He said
somnething like "Will will not answer questions wrt nutrition today!"
He reffered to himself as "Will."

"I AM Will Brink, you idiots !!!" he said several times...

All my friends in group this gave had gotten front row seats. The rest sat a
little further away...
Now, ONE thing got my attention. In the middle of my friends and the rest,
was this lonely guy with curly hair...
It turned out to be Steve. Nobody wanted to sit next to him. He looked very
lonely. AND nervous. He was sweatting.

It was time...

I came ontsage, and everybody started to applaud!
there were 6 KettleBells lined up. 8, 12, 16, 24 32, and last but not least,
40 kg!

Everybody started to whisper;
"What is he gonna go weith those things !?!?!?"
And rightfully so. I sure as hell wasnt going to lift them! Then, in a split
second, iudropped my pants, turned my back to the audience, and made a
parallel squat... To show the audience my Anus. It was a HUGE 3 inch gap (i
was nervous...)

Everybody was astonished, and started to applaud!
Then i announced that i would squat down, and would EACH KettleBell suck
into my ass!

The house broke up!
Sure, 8, 12 and 16 kilo wasnt a big deal... but 24, 32 and 40 ?!?!?! No way!
I was warming up, and Will and Robert were lubing the Bells.
David said to John ;
"This time our Dutch friend has gotten over the edge, he is going bananas!"
John disagreed, because, "that statement could not be supported by the
literature."

Anyway, i went for my first attempt, the 8 kilo.
I squatted down and... BLOOOOOOOOOP!
The "under-pressure"sucked the Bell into my ass as if it was a ping-pomg
ball.

And so i did with the other ones, all the way up to 24 kilo. But then, i
started to bleed a bit, and said i would give up... The audience started to
yell:

"WE LOVE YOU PETEY !!!""
"COMMON PETEY, YOU CAN DO IT !!!"

I decided to go for it. Even Pavel was impressed. Steve started to sweat
more and more...

I asked for some extra lube for the 32 Bell.
I sat above it, squatted down, and ... NNNNNNNNNNHHHHHHH !!!
My face was turning purple... then... BLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP !!!!!!!!!!

It was in! IT WAS IN ! I did it! I DID IT !!!

But i didnt stop there;
Will walked to microphone and announced;
"Petey is going... TO TRY THE 40 KG BELL!!!"

Everybody went berserk. People stood up and applauded. Started to yell all
kinds of superlatives..
Curt passed out... I was just too much for him!

So... after 10 minutes of lubing, i walked up to the 40kg Bell...
The audience became silent... You could here a pin dropping!
A few regulars left... the exitement was just too much!

Steve started to sweat more and more...

I squatted down...

"NHHHHHHHH !!!""
"NNNNNNHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!!!!!!"
"NNNNNNNNNNNNNHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I failed...

I was ready to give up.
But the audience started to yell again;

"COMMON PETEY, YOU ARE MFW NEW HERO""
"YOU CAN DO IT"

I walked up to the Kettlebell...

"NNNNNNNNNHHHHHHHHHHHH !!!"

The handle was in, THE HANDLE was in !!!
People started to applaud... Will came to the mike and asked everyone to be
silent...

"NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN N
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH H!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"BLOOOOOP !!!!!"

It was in! It was in !!! IT WAS IN !!!!!

I DID IT !!!! i DID IT !!!!!!!"

I AM MFW NEW HERO !!!

Pavel walked up to the mike, and began to praise me... I was very proud.
But then, he looked at Stevie...
"I am ashamed of you !!!" he said...
"YOU are playing with my Bells for years, yet no never even got the small
ones up your ass !!!"
"YOU are a disgrace, an EMBARRESSMENT !!!"

He looked at DZ and gave him a nod.
DZ walked up to Stevie, and arrested him. He was sent to Siberia for the
rest of his life...

I NEVER, EVER felt so good!

But then, some sort of official, walked up to me with a jar in his hand...
He claimed he needed a urine sample, and that tis World Record could only be
made official if i was drug free...

Then i woke up, screaming again...

----
Pete

Curt James
September 23rd 06, 12:06 PM
Pete wrote:

-=snipped here and there=-

> Somehow, i am still not over the fact that Betsys dog eats ****, and that
> there was a never ending thread about it. The meds work, but only up to a
> certain point.
>
> Lucky for me, there arent many dogs in my neighboorhood anymore... because
> eh... well... i shot them!
>
> Thats right! Thats right!
>
> I killed all those **** eating basterds!
> The Police and the neighboorhoods Vigilantes are looking for me, but i am
> not in the least worried.
> Anyone who approaches me within 10 feet will be shot as well!

(approaches to ELEVEN feet of Pete)


> I was going to set a new world record... using KETTLEBELLS !!!
> But i sure as hell was not going to lift them. Oh no!
>
> In this dream i was notorious for having a 4 inch wide anus. I mean, it was
> HUGE!
> I was nick-named "The Black Hole." Children were told to stay away from me,
> because, as their parents told them, if they come to close, they would get
> sucked in, and NEVER get out! And even if they COULD escape, they wouldnt
> see their parents anymore, since they were warped thousands of years
> forward, into a World that was destroyed by Nuclear Weapons!

> Later, it turned out that i shot Stephen Hawking!

> In fact, i hired a place something similair where Arnold gave his
> "exhibitions" in the early seventies.
> If its good enough for Arnold, it was good enough for me!
>
> All the regulars from MFW were invited to come. Even Steve.
> Robert and Will were my assistants, and DZ handled security. David (Cohen)
> was there to give, if needed, medical assistence. John was there to figure
> out all the legal techniqualities.
> DZ walked around in a Tuxedo, and to tell you the truth, he looked quite
> good in it!
> He was wearing a headset, and seemed to have direct contact with some
> bigshots...
>
> Of course, Pavel was there as well!
> I mean, hey, were talking KettleBells here, right?
>
> After several minutes, all the regulars arrived...
>
> Robert was walking around wearing red sunglasses, and had tattoos all over
> his arms...
> He reminded me of Mickey Rourke, i his prime...
> People were whispering... "this guy was Mr. Phoenix once..."'
> When they walked up to him, and asked for an autograph, he barked;
>
> "Go away, you ****ing anonymous AOL pussy !!! Why dont you use you REAL NAME
> if you aproach me ?!?!?!"
> Then he shot them. In the same manner i shot the dogs...
>
> Then Will arrived...
> A big limo came in front, and 6 black muscular women, came out.
> But... where was Will ?!?!?!
> As it turned out, those women where his bodyguards, and Will walked in the
> middle. I mean, these women where 6 feet. AT LEAST!

The women only *appeared* 6 feet in comparison to Will. Although, yeah,
5'9" *would* seem incredibly tall compared to Will's 5'4" height...

> Anyway, he looked very important. Very arrogant. People wanted to ask a few
> questions, but were beat up pretty bad by his bodyguards. He said
> somnething like "Will will not answer questions wrt nutrition today!"
> He reffered to himself as "Will."

Anyone can quote medical journals. Whooooooo!

I am indeed jealous/envious what have you of Brink having been
published (REPEATEDLY) in MuscleMag International, but if I was going
to wish anyone's "career" (does Brink make a living at what he does?)
it'd be Reg Harris. He's taller, better looking, a cooler website, AND
can you say "CUBAN MISSILE!!!!!!" His wifey is the bomb!

> "I AM Will Brink, you idiots !!!" he said several times...
>
> All my friends in group this gave had gotten front row seats. The rest sat a
> little further away...
> Now, ONE thing got my attention. In the middle of my friends and the rest,
> was this lonely guy with curly hair...
> It turned out to be Steve. Nobody wanted to sit next to him. He looked very
> lonely. AND nervous. He was sweatting.

I swear I heard him mutter something like, "This entire dream sequence
should be labeled off topic..."

> It was time...
>
> I came ontsage, and everybody started to applaud!
> there were 6 KettleBells lined up. 8, 12, 16, 24 32, and last but not least,
> 40 kg!
>
> Everybody started to whisper;
> "What is he gonna go weith those things !?!?!?"
> And rightfully so. I sure as hell wasnt going to lift them! Then, in a split
> second, iudropped my pants, turned my back to the audience, and made a
> parallel squat... To show the audience my Anus. It was a HUGE 3 inch gap (i
> was nervous...)
>
> Everybody was astonished, and started to applaud!
> Then i announced that i would squat down, and would EACH KettleBell suck
> into my ass!
>
> The house broke up!
> Sure, 8, 12 and 16 kilo wasnt a big deal... but 24, 32 and 40 ?!?!?! No way!
> I was warming up, and Will and Robert were lubing the Bells.
> David said to John ;
> "This time our Dutch friend has gotten over the edge, he is going bananas!"
> John disagreed, because, "that statement could not be supported by the
> literature."
>
> Anyway, i went for my first attempt, the 8 kilo.
> I squatted down and... BLOOOOOOOOOP!
> The "under-pressure"sucked the Bell into my ass as if it was a ping-pomg
> ball.

While in the service, I did see a performance by this one German
entertainer. She had a fondness (professionally at least) for candles
in a variety of what I'd call unusual... places.

> And so i did with the other ones, all the way up to 24 kilo. But then, i
> started to bleed a bit, and said i would give up... The audience started to
> yell:
>
> "WE LOVE YOU PETEY !!!""
> "COMMON PETEY, YOU CAN DO IT !!!"
>
> I decided to go for it. Even Pavel was impressed. Steve started to sweat
> more and more...
>
> I asked for some extra lube for the 32 Bell.
> I sat above it, squatted down, and ... NNNNNNNNNNHHHHHHH !!!
> My face was turning purple... then... BLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP !!!!!!!!!!
>
> It was in! IT WAS IN ! I did it! I DID IT !!!
>
> But i didnt stop there;
> Will walked to microphone and announced;
> "Petey is going... TO TRY THE 40 KG BELL!!!"
>
> Everybody went berserk. People stood up and applauded. Started to yell all
> kinds of superlatives..
> Curt passed out... I was just too much for him!

Actually, I passed out while reading Williams' troll faq. I'm only just
now regaining consciousness and wondering who has posted seven thousand
posts under my REAL NAME here in MFW. Weird.

> So... after 10 minutes of lubing, i walked up to the 40kg Bell...
> The audience became silent... You could here a pin dropping!
> A few regulars left... the exitement was just too much!
>
> Steve started to sweat more and more...
>
> I squatted down...
>
> "NHHHHHHHH !!!""
> "NNNNNNHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!!!!!!"
> "NNNNNNNNNNNNNHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
>
> I failed...
>
> I was ready to give up.
> But the audience started to yell again;
>
> "COMMON PETEY, YOU ARE MFW NEW HERO""

heh :oD And, yes, an offishul and genyooowine "ROFLLMAOPMSLLOLLOLLOL"
applies, of course. You absolutely ARE the MFW's new hero, Pete.
Awesome stuff.

> But then, some sort of official, walked up to me with a jar in his hand...
> He claimed he needed a urine sample, and that tis World Record could only be
> made official if i was drug free...
>
> Then i woke up, screaming again...

Dream some more, Pete. There's always your B sample. I say you beat the
charges!

> Pete

--
Curt

ATP*
September 23rd 06, 05:19 PM
"Pete" > wrote in message
...
> I came ontsage, and everybody started to applaud!
> there were 6 KettleBells lined up. 8, 12, 16, 24 32, and last but not
> least, 40 kg!
>
> Everybody started to whisper;
> "What is he gonna go weith those things !?!?!?"
> And rightfully so. I sure as hell wasnt going to lift them! Then, in a
> split second, iudropped my pants, turned my back to the audience, and made
> a parallel squat... To show the audience my Anus. It was a HUGE 3 inch gap
> (i was nervous...)
>
> Everybody was astonished, and started to applaud!
> Then i announced that i would squat down, and would EACH KettleBell suck
> into my ass!
>
> The house broke up!
> Sure, 8, 12 and 16 kilo wasnt a big deal... but 24, 32 and 40 ?!?!?! No
> way!
> I was warming up, and Will and Robert were lubing the Bells.
> David said to John ;
> "This time our Dutch friend has gotten over the edge, he is going
> bananas!"
> John disagreed, because, "that statement could not be supported by the
> literature."
>
> Anyway, i went for my first attempt, the 8 kilo.
> I squatted down and... BLOOOOOOOOOP!
> The "under-pressure"sucked the Bell into my ass as if it was a ping-pomg
> ball.
>
> And so i did with the other ones, all the way up to 24 kilo. But then, i
> started to bleed a bit, and said i would give up... The audience started
> to yell:
>
> "WE LOVE YOU PETEY !!!""
> "COMMON PETEY, YOU CAN DO IT !!!"
>
> I decided to go for it. Even Pavel was impressed.

A new DVD was born.

"Comrade! You do not have to stretch your anus! Your anus is already capable
of swallowing the largest kettlebell! "Relax Into Sodomy" will show you how!

Charles
September 23rd 06, 06:19 PM
On Sat, 23 Sep 2006 12:42:01 +0200, "Pete" >
wrote:

Tripped ravings savagely snipped:
[...]

Whatever you're on Pete, you need to reduce intake drastically.

Quite frankly, although some say that alcohol can be addictive, I
suspect you would be far better off having a few drinks to unwind,
than getting out of your brains on whatever produced the weirdness you
posted.

HTH!

HAGW!

Tom Anderson
September 25th 06, 11:54 PM
On Sat, 23 Sep 2006, Charles wrote:

> On Sat, 23 Sep 2006 12:42:01 +0200, "Pete" >
> wrote:
>
> Tripped ravings savagely snipped:
> [...]
>
> Whatever you're on Pete, you need to reduce intake drastically.

Nonsense - beyond genius lies madness, and beyond that, Pete. PUSH ON
THROUGH, COMRADE!

tom

--
if you can't beat them, build them

Charles
September 25th 06, 11:58 PM
On Mon, 25 Sep 2006 23:54:18 +0100, Tom Anderson
> wrote:

>On Sat, 23 Sep 2006, Charles wrote:
>
>> On Sat, 23 Sep 2006 12:42:01 +0200, "Pete" >
>> wrote:
>>
>> Tripped ravings savagely snipped:
>> [...]
>>
>> Whatever you're on Pete, you need to reduce intake drastically.
>
>Nonsense - beyond genius lies madness, and beyond that, Pete. PUSH ON
>THROUGH, COMRADE!
>

Seems reasonable!